Vol. 2, Post #51 Anyone Wanna Fuck?

It's a real question. My sex tips for girls* (*girls who are holding on to mid-life by a thread). A dating odyssey for Young Olds, AKA, people with readers.

Here’s an abbreviated post this week since I’m packing my bikini and sunscreen for the new waterfront riviera formerly known as the Gaza Strip because, you know, ALL IS JUST FINE HERE.

Oh my Dear Readers. Let’s all do this. No one is remotely OK right now, so I’ll be briefer than usual, but, like the gold at the end of the rainbow (how fucking GAY!) there’s a poll at the end of this post. I’d love you to vote on the best course of action for when you’re feeling sexy, but not feeling date-y.

It’s a well-known fact that masturbation fights stress, releases endorphins and other “feel good” hormones, helps you sleep, and encourages you to explore what turns you on so you can share that with someone else (if you wish) during partnered sex.

Lately, when I’ve been getting into bed at night (earlier and earlier, right, Young Olds?), and all is JUST SO — the pillows are arranged precisely the way I enjoy them best, the dog is nestled in, the temperature is perfect for sleeping, the phone ringer is off and all technology is silenced — I think, “Hmmm, do I want to jerk off?”

I’ve got a drawerful of toys and my favorite vibrators are perpetually charged up (power strip under the nightstand a must-have). But seven times of out ten, I just turn off the lights and roll over. Why? It’s halfway through winter and I don’t want to masturbate. I think I want a lover. Or maybe a few lovers. But how?

I know I said I was going on a hot date with a sort of “boldface name” woman, but by default, early days of dating has an ebb and flow to it, if it moves forward in any capacity, and based by her job demands, I think my date is not super available. All of that is fine. Dating takes effort and if it feels right, you figure out how to make time. But separate from that, I’m also thinking that what would REALLY push my buttons right now is a lover who wants to come over, fuck me, and then leave.

I just read that sentence again. It seems so transactional, doesn’t it? That’s not how I intend it.

I’m just utterly undone by current political events. I’m trying every way I know how to put one foot in front of the other, via cause-based activism and just exhaling silently with others who are as teary-eyed and gobsmacked as I am. The news seems fake; the fakery seems impossible to believe; and the belief that we will get through this seems utterly unimaginable. In that way, I’m GLAD that I’m single; glad I don’t have to compose/behave myself in front of someone and not fly off the handle at the smallest offense. I am sleeping in the middle of my big bed with all the covers pulled over my head, standing in the kitchen and eating what passes as “dinner” right out of the refrigerator (and sometimes that’s a glass of wine and a handful of chocolate). I am turning up Barry Manilow AND an assortment of 80s metal on the stereo, on repeat. No one, and I mean, NO ONE would want to be around me in this moment. I don’t miss The Boyfriend at all (how’s THAT for clarifying? At least I know I made the right decision) but I do miss sex.

As I stand naked in my bathroom after a hot shower and rub moisturizer into my skin, or dab on perfume and apply lipstick, as an attempt to get dressed and and “act normal,” it hits me: regardless of what happens next, I’m a human with needs and one of my ongoing needs is to be tasted, smelled, touched. Since I’ve pretty much committed to as low-key a year as possible, with regard to dating — saying I will only actually date if someone spectacular appears before me (maybe it’s ^^^that woman? Who knows?) — I’m not in any rush to make something happen on the relationship front. However, I know I’ll not be able to go a year without sex.

Back to masturbation…I’ve written about this before. We all know how to get ourselves off in a manner that can feel leisurely or “to the point,” depending on the occasion. One of my former lovers used to figure BIG TIME into almost any masturbation fantasy that I had, and now I’m annoyed when that happens, because I’m standing firm in NOPE with him and it is goddamn difficult. That man and I could fuck ourselves silly and I miss having his face, voice, his hands on my thighs, as part of my release, in person or in my head. My longtime standard masturbation fantasies are all fine as substitutes, but I’m bored by masturbation right now. I think I want a hot, live body as balm.

So, what to do?

Since I know that at least one or two readers now have their phones in hand, about to text me “Hey, you up?” I don’t think I want to get involved with former lovers. Too much baggage. So, that leaves signing up for Feeld or similar and seeing who might surprise me that lives in close proximity. But I don’t know about that either. The last time I was on Feeld with my former partner B., it was a lot of work. I’m currently exhausted and freaked out. Maybe an old lover would be an OK option? Hmmm. And would telling a NEW lover that I want to keep things “just sexy” send the wrong message? Like, casual (AND SAFE) are fine to start, but what if feelings pop up? They usually do. For that matter, is anyone managing their own feelings in general right now? I kind of doubt it.

Back to the idea of meeting up during an apocalypse…do you think it’s possible to get together for sex and keep it fairly light (at least in the beginning) and BE HONEST ABOUT IT ALL? Because even my polyamorous pals know that casual sex generally gets pretty un-casual, pretty quickly. And I tend not to be casual, once I’m in it. Ugh ugh ugh. See what I mean?

I’m all ears if you have any ideas for ways to have sex while staying semi-removed from anything too emotionally heavy at this point, so, to my Young Olds, I’d love for you to take my poll below, and let me know what you think is the best, sanest route to take.

^^^ Images above from the Library of Congress archives, “Flowers of Fire: Illustrations from Japanese Fireworks Catalogues (ca. 1880s)”

BANG!