Lean in to messy? Maybe there's something to learn here. My ongoing sex tips for girls* (*girls who are holding on to mid-life by a thread). A dating odyssey for Young Olds, AKA, people with readers.
Abbe, I read and re-read this (and will read it again shortly). Wow, this is resonating with me. Full on flashback to the time my partner and I were leaving for a concert (during New England winter); he went to the closet, got his own coat, shut the door, turned to me and said (with a hint of impatience), “Ready?” No, I wasn’t ready! I needed my own patched faux fur coat (purchased at Canal Jeans for $10 back in the day, it was a fabulous coat - I digress) from that closet. And I was kind of annoyed that it didn’t occur to him to pull out my coat (I hadn’t left the house without it in the past 2 months) and hand it to me while he was in there. I immediately felt ashamed that I could be perceived as a woman who wants a partner to get her coat! What’s next? Would I be asking him to hold it for me while I put it on and pull it gently over my shoulders? The horror! MESSY indeed. Thank you for articulating this so well.
Early on in my current relationship, my new bf was cutting up an apple for his smoothie and I asked if I could have a couple of slices…the next day, after he made his smoothie, I saw a few apple slices on the counter and he said “those are for you—I know you like them”. I put my hand to my heart and said “that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!” It hit me then that there ARE men who are happy to do nice things for their partners without being asked. I was stunned. What does that tell you about my 27 year marriage?? I had been the wife, mom, boss, planner, organizer, decision maker, carrier of the mental load, etc. for 27 years. Wow.
Abbe, I read and re-read this (and will read it again shortly). Wow, this is resonating with me. Full on flashback to the time my partner and I were leaving for a concert (during New England winter); he went to the closet, got his own coat, shut the door, turned to me and said (with a hint of impatience), “Ready?” No, I wasn’t ready! I needed my own patched faux fur coat (purchased at Canal Jeans for $10 back in the day, it was a fabulous coat - I digress) from that closet. And I was kind of annoyed that it didn’t occur to him to pull out my coat (I hadn’t left the house without it in the past 2 months) and hand it to me while he was in there. I immediately felt ashamed that I could be perceived as a woman who wants a partner to get her coat! What’s next? Would I be asking him to hold it for me while I put it on and pull it gently over my shoulders? The horror! MESSY indeed. Thank you for articulating this so well.
Struggle is real. Thank you! xoA
Early on in my current relationship, my new bf was cutting up an apple for his smoothie and I asked if I could have a couple of slices…the next day, after he made his smoothie, I saw a few apple slices on the counter and he said “those are for you—I know you like them”. I put my hand to my heart and said “that’s the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me!” It hit me then that there ARE men who are happy to do nice things for their partners without being asked. I was stunned. What does that tell you about my 27 year marriage?? I had been the wife, mom, boss, planner, organizer, decision maker, carrier of the mental load, etc. for 27 years. Wow.