Vol. 1, Post #8 Thar She Blows!
Squirting. We’re going there. The latest in my ongoing sex tips for girls* (*girls who are holding on to mid-life by a thread). A dating odyssey for Young Olds, AKA, people with readers.
Ok, Dear Readers. I promised we’d get Slippery When Wet this week.
I’m not sure when or how it became the mark of a skilled lover, but I can think of a handful of men – either who I’ve dated or men with whom I have close and deeply personal friendships which means we yak about everything – and all of them are very proud of the fact that they “got” a woman to squirt.
In particular, an ex-partner of mine during a polyamorous period was particularly enamored that one of his lovers was squirter, so much so that we all had a nickname for her based on this “ability” – does that seem like we were in some weird sex-crazed version of “The Little Rascals” (and what WAS Spanky’s real name, anyway?)
Two quickie dissertations on squirting to follow (both of which are fairly heteronormative, apologies on that. I need to qualify that re. the research below, the term “female ejaculation” does in fact exclude non-binary and trans people who are not born with female anatomy but have vaginas.)
First one – here’s some more generic language.
Per WebMD: Squirting refers to fluid expelled from the vagina during orgasm. Not all people with vaginas squirt during orgasm, and those who do may only do it some of the time. This type of orgasm includes a rapid ejection of urine, along with other fluids, from the bladder.
Squirting sometimes also involves secretions from the Skene's glands. The Skene's glands are sometimes called the female prostate because they function similarly to the male prostate.
A squirting orgasm is sometimes called female ejaculation.
A recent study has shown that there is a difference between squirting, female ejaculation, and incontinence during sex. However, the term squirting is used to describe all three in everyday language.
Like any aspect of sex, no two people will experience squirting in quite the same way. Some people report that it's more intense than a clitoral orgasm, while others say it's less intense. Many say that it's a deep sense of release that's different from any other orgasm.
Second take – a slightly more detailed take.
From the National Library of Medicine: Women expel fluids of various quantities and compositions from the urethra during sexual arousal and orgasm. These are classified as either female ejaculation (FE) or squirting (SQ).
The aim of our analysis was to present evidence that FE and SQ are similar but etiologically different phenomena. A review of studies was performed on fluids expelled from the urogenital tract during female sexual activities using the Web of Knowledge™ (Web of Science Core Collection) and MEDLINE (Ovid) databases from 1946 to 2021.
Until 2011, all female orgasmic expulsions of fluids were referred to as FE. The fluid was known to be either from the paraurethral glands or as a result of coital incontinence. At present, SQ is considered as a transurethral expulsion of approximately 10 milliliters or more of transparent fluid, while FE is considered as a secretion of a few milliliters of thick fluid. The fluid in SQ is similar to urine and is expelled by the urinary bladder.
The secretion in FE originates from the paraurethral glands and contains a high concentration of prostate-specific antigen. Both phenomena can occur simultaneously.
The mechanisms underlying SQ and FE are entirely different. SQ is a massive transurethral orgasmic expulsion from the urinary bladder, while FE is the secretion of a very small amount of fluid from the paraurethral glands.
If you didn’t actually read all of that^, I can sum up both studies in one sentence: there is female ejaculate and there is squirting and one (FE) is a small secretion from the Skene’s gland and the other (SQ) is a larger secretion of urine and other fluids mixed together.
No matter how it reads above, I’ll employ the word “squirting” to cover all bases here and now, I’ll wait while you argue amongst yourselves as to whether this is medical myth or medical fact, because people LOOOOOOOOVE to say that squirting is just pee.
(-Whispers- we’re now at the part of my weekly post when I pause and consider how personal I want to get. I don’t actually think that there is anything that I wouldn’t discuss regarding sex and dating and love at my age, but at the same time, I am fairly certain that no one wants to get into a deep discussion of whether Abbe is a squirter or not. At least, I am fairly certain that I don’t want to get into that discussion, unless you and I are lovers, in which case, you know the answer, so there is nothing to discuss.
So! Kids, you with me so far? We’re going with “squirting” as both a legit “not pee” premise and a catchall phrase. Either way, here’s my question: are you curious about squirting? I’ve asked a few of my gal pals about this over the last couple of weeks and the response has been FASCINATING. A couple of them said they’ve experienced it and it caught them by surprise; one said she and her partner always hoped it would happen, but so far nothing, and another said that she was sometimes embarrassed about how much fluid she expels (which is sort of amusing, because a former flame of mine was always exceptionally proud regarding how far he could shoot his load when we were jerking off together over FaceTime, to say nothing about the quantity of Said Load. Oh men…)
Where was I? Ok, so if you find the idea of squirting appealing, first things first. Keep your expectations reasonable and think of this as you would breadmaking, knitting, golf, pickleball – NOT KIDDING, like any new hobby, it may or may not take. But, if you’re a place where you’re a little “yawn” with your sex life? Shake it up, baby. Then you can tell your grandchildren (or your friends’ grandchildren or for that matter, the kid who bags the groceries at the Shop Rite that is nearest to your retirement community or [now I’m getting fired up], the kids who are kicking around a soccer ball on the Campo de’ Fiori near your flat in Rome after you become an ex-pat and move to Italy, which is my dream), “2024 was the year I taught myself to squirt during sex!” It’s a REAL showstopper of a conversation opening!
Here are some widely accepted tips if you want to give squirting a whirl. One thing to remember is that the key to squirting is relaxing, counterintuitive for some because women tend to clench ahead of having an orgasm. Likewise, for many women, there can be the feeling of “having to go” just ahead of orgasm and with squirting, the Skene’s gland, which is located behind the G-spot, presses on and drains into the urethra, doubling that sensation of needing to pee. The obvious answer? Pee before sex (or masturbation) to ease your mind. Clitoral stimulation, along with G-spot stimulation, makes squirting easier. Some people prefer fingers pressing on their G-spot, in a sort of “hooked” position. Others like partnered sex via rear entry to focus on G-spot stimulation (-raises hand- I’m a big fan of that).
Speaking of partners, I know, I know…it’s hot to make your partner squirt. Let’s PLEASE remember that not everyone is into it or is has a body that cooperates and what’s NOT hot is to pressure anyone to help you live out some (often macho) porn fantasy. Relax, Burt Reynolds.*
*After I wrote the first draft of this post, I saw something online that prompted me to search "Burt Reynolds and porn" and learned he is not a fan. So, above, I’m sort of metaphorically telling Burt to metaphorically cool his jets.
For those of you who haven’t run screaming into the other room or called up one of our mutual friends and said, “Can you fucking believe that Abbe wrote something about SQUIRTING in her Substack this week?” if this is all too much to take in, lemme circle back to dry land (ha!) and ask you an easier-for-some-to-digest question: when is the last time you refreshed your sex toy assortment, or dived into sex toys at all? No time like the present, particularly if you’ve had limited exposure to toys in the past, when options were far fewer. I was going to list a few online sources for sex toys when I realized that Allure magazine has literally written a new go-to guide for basically any category of sex toy that your little heart desires and you can click on the link right here! Lots of my lady friends are very loyal to the Hitachi Magic Wand (it’s a classic although it’s pretty large and noisy and therefore slightly unwieldy) and then again, a lot of my ladies are very committed to their Womanizers (jury is out on this because it gets you off so fast that some people find it unsettling. I’m one of those people). Allure has published what is truly the Mack Daddy of all guides to sex toys of the none-fetish variety and I’m hoping that if you are newer to sexual wellness products, you maybe take a quick looksee and treat yourself (or your partner) to something exciting. That goes for you men, as well. You can shop for your lady or shop for yourself. All those good vibrations or rhythmic suctioning feel nice buzzing up against almost every body; no lady parts necessary to enjoy. And – bonus round – if you are someone who has a toy to suggest to my Dear Readers, or me, because I’m a curious old dog that never passes up a new trick, do send me an email (whatsshovegottodowithit@gmail.com) and I’ll tell the folks all about it. I’m looking at you in particular, my gorgeous hot-as-fuck pal who lives outside of DC and considers herself a toy expert. Chime in, you Young Old sexpot.
I feel like I just gave you a lot of marching orders – Go out and practice squirting! Buy new sex toys! – but it’s not my intention to make you feel like you HAVE to do anything. However, if you’re looking for something to do, I’ll keep you pretty busy. Do we have a deal? Personally, as a new Young Old Singleton, I’ll be refreshing my own nightstand of sex toys. As Alvy Singer said in Annie Hall, “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”