Vol. 1, Post #30, Weirdos, Queerdos, and The World According to Adam

Sex, civics, sandwiches, shopping…all the things. My ongoing sex tips for girls* (*girls who are holding on to mid-life by a thread). A modern dating odyssey for Young Olds, AKA, people with readers.

Once upon a time, when my Provincetown summer house was mostly queer/gay, I made sure that all of our straight pals who visited us here knew that we were going to spend some dough: as part of being a visitor in our home-away-from-home,  we made sure that our guests were prepared to eat out in town, tip heartily at the cabaret shows, and shop in the stores that we frequent – these restauranteurs, performers, and retail proprietors have become friends and since I live in a tourist town myself, I know how vital summer visitors are to the economy.

I take my “membership” in this community seriously, not just as a summer person, but as a weirdo, because, let’s face it, the people I love the most are usually weirdos like me and Ptown has ‘em in spades.

Last week, I was picking up our glorious sandwiches at the always succulent Pop + Dutch, and I brought along my copy of Rebecca Orchant’s fantastic new memoir, Simmering, which I devoured, so that she could sign it for me. Rebecca took a quick break from slinging grub and inscribed my book as such:

Btw, if you are someone who appreciates food, sex, passion, humanity, humility, recipes, polyamory, BDSM, and has a working knowledge of growing up Jewish, RUN OUT and get a copy of Rebecca’s book. Never has love and loss and all the feelings in between read so tasty.

It’s a privilege to know some of these super freaks like Rebecca and her husband Sean (I crush hard on both of them), as well as Sofia, who works at Pop + Dutch and like R and S, is also a stupid-talented artist. Ptown is full of weirdos and queerdos. I spent a little time with another one of my favorites for this post.  

Adam Singer, owner of Adam’s Nest, launched his clothing shop in 2016, and, in his own words, opened with the mission to “shake things up, create some social change and look fuckin' fabulous while doing it. We're a politically engaged, socially conscious, spiritually connected, naughty, queer & visible brand based out of Provincetown.”

I fell in love with Adam the moment we met. In general, I ABHOR slogan t-shirts or for that matter, anything with writing on it and here was a veritable treasure trove of tees that were produced/created in support of all of the bleeding-heart liberal/commie/queer causes that I champion – I changed my tune about slogan tees on the spot.

Besides operating as a retail hot spot here in town, Adam’s Nest is a hub for those curious about gender/social/sexual politics and related lifestyle. Got a question about queer relationships? There’s a fantastic bookshelf that awaits your browsing. Interested in knowing more about Stonewall era activism? Sure thing, would you like your education to come in the form of a shirt, a magnet, or a piece of art? Just feeling, well, a little gay? Do I have a button or baseball hat for you!  AND – besides stocking the shop with the most civically minded merchandise around, Adam also gives back to various causes and orgs on top of the percentages that are built into your purchases. In other words, he walks the walk. He talks the talk. Oh, and he’s super-hot and single.

At the time of writing this post, there are 69 days till the election – how fitting! I spent an hour with Adam, chatting about politics, pussy, power bottoms, et al, sometimes stepping outside of the shop to make space for the endless parade of customers that came by – which included little kids, old queens, trans teens, goth 20somethings, twinks, bears, you get the drift. Case in point:

Click here to buy postcard art!

First, I asked Adam to highlight some of the current bestsellers for all your shopping needs ahead of the election – every one of these items gives back to the campaign or cause, so get out your credit cards!

Adam was quick to show off this Voting Republican Is A Hate Crime collection of tees and buttons that he created, in support of Indivisible, as well as this Love As Activism collection, a collaboration with artist Michele Pred – the heart and the solidarity fist act as the perfect reminder of “we the people” and “democracy is not a spectator sport.”

Click here to buy that tee!

Click here to buy these buttons!

Click here to buy these tees!

And then we got to talking about him, about me, about where we’re at in our lives as 50somethings – he’s the perfect gay Young Old!

Adam and I chat quite a bit, so I know he’s an open book – like seeks like! – and that, just as importantly, he’s in his shop to not only sell merchandise with a conscience but also engage with anyone who needs some guidance. Here’s a taste of the tea we spilled that day (and also, we both cried a little – Young Old Jews are like that).

“This is my 9^th season, 11^th summer here, and as you mentioned, yes, Provincetown is a Mecca for queerdos and weirdos,” he said. “Here, being Queer actually means something. And just like there are Queers and Gays, and Queers and Lesbians, there are people here from all walks of life, some of whom also walk into the shop and make a beeline right out door – this is a welcoming community for everyone, and everyone can take from it what they need and want, or NOT. But most people who come in the door are excited to browse, and talk,” he said, standing in front of a full bookcase of tomes about polyamory and multi-amory, including classics like Poly Secure and The Ethical Slut – we’ll get back to that bookshelf in a few more paragraphs.

I asked Adam about dating as a gay Young Old, like the rest of us, he laughed and replied, “I work a lot, so there’s that. But I’m still optimistic that there’s a relationship out there that could work for me. Listen, it’s very easy to get laid in this town if that’s what you want – it’s a transient place --- and on top of that, there are a lot of open relationships here, so you also need to decide if that kind of thing works for you. It’s one thing to be a guest star in someone’s relationship for a night or two and it’s another matter to be part of a regular ongoing relationship that is taking place in real time, right in your community.

“At this point, I’m open to different relationship types because at this age, things are different than when we were younger – I don’t own anyone, and no one owns me. My bullshit meter is full throttle – like, no time for any of it. Example: a friend of mine who I met on my second summer... I’d see him every year, we’d flirt, etc., but he’s always had a partner. This year, he showed up without a partner so hmm...I’m curious. I’m definitely ready for what’s coming next, but I’m not fucking around with a whole bunch of nonsense, and I’m not shy about that. If it’s on my mind, it’s gonna be on my tongue. So, watch out. That’s how I’m operating now.”

I asked Adam about his health, or rather, any concerns about it. As a single gay man, and an educated person who is sex-positive, I knew he’d have opinions. I was curious as to what the latest thinking is around PrEP, for example. Interestingly, Adam told me that he dated the first person who was taking PrEP, a guy who was the subject of a VICE documentary on the advent of the drug, and that likewise, Adam himself has been featured in NYC Dept of Health videos on the topic of exposure, safety, etc., in what seems like a lifetime ago. “When I came out in 1985, I didn’t expect to be here today.”

I mentioned that while the single Young Old women I knew were no longer worried about getting pregnant (pro!), they all still ran the risk of getting an STI, etc. (con!), and he told me THIS incredible fact. Apparently, Doxycycline can be effectively used to prevent STIs in all genders. He explained, “Let’s say you have sex with a stranger. You can pop two Doxys and it prevents you from getting STIs. So, when people in the shop tell me, ‘Hey, I’m going to a sex party’ I ask them, ‘Did you take your Doxy?’” ***See my footnote on the bottom of this post for some other info that Adam sent along to me this morning, as he wants everyone to have the facts, and not rely on some 56 y.o. semi-crazy lady with vacation brain for med advice.

Does it sound like Adam could hang a shingle here as “Dr. A. Nest?” Well, he certainly has plenty to say, “It’s really important to run this shop in a way that younger people, or for that matter, people of any age, can ask questions, get information, educate themselves. Regarding the younger set, while I’m not here to force my opinions down anyone’s throat, I am adamant in making sure that they understand that there are people who came before them, who fought for their rights, their respect. It’s because of those people that the younger generation can go to those sex parties! I love how curious most of them are to learn more about those hard-won battles.

“As shop owner and activist, I do feel responsible for making that connection for the general public; I want to be available to anyone who is open to learning more about what’s at stake for society today, particularly around election years. People aren’t necessarily expecting to get that when they walk into a sex-based shop, but sex IS political, and we need to talk about it. When I was growing up, and when I came out, we didn’t talk about this.” Did I mention that I love Adam?

So, how many people are passing through Adam’s Nest? During season, over 200 shoppers can pass through the shop daily. Adam also appreciates it, he said, when a gaggle of older shoppers interact with younger ones as they all try on shirts and hats. “There’s so much we can learn from each other; that’s a vital conversation,” he said, also referencing a seminal book called Out Of The Shadows by Walt Odets, which chronicles the lives of gay men pre-, during-, and post-AIDS crisis.

Adam’s stocked bookshelves – remember I said we’d talk about that more later in this post? – have influenced even more shoppers than he realized. “There’s a young woman who is here every summer. She plops down on the floor, reads every book on the shelves, devours them. One day, she told me she wrote about me for her college entrance exam,” he said, his voice breaking as he got tears in his eyes, just like me (WHAT A BUNCH OF PUSSIES WE ARE!). “She told me that the shop changed her life. And that’s what I want to be: the shop I wished I could’ve walked into as a kid.”

Before I sign off, I also have give a shout out to our pal Michelle at Womencrafts, Lesbian owned and operated since 1976…I love the Kamala collab she’s done with artist Jo Hay

Womencrafts and Adam’s Nest are literally across the street from each other — now THAT is some “feel good” shopping for ya!

***FROM ADAM’S TEXT TO ME ABOUT DOXY PEP

Doxy PEP has demonstrated benefit in reducing incident syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea in certain populations and represents a new approach to addressing STI prevention in MSM and TGW at increased risk for these infections. Certain ongoing studies are evaluating doxy PEP and PrEP, including the risk for the development of antimicrobial resistance. The available evidence in the context of increased national incidence of syphilis, chlamydia, and gonorrhea supports consideration of this approach for MSM and TGW at substantial risk for acquiring bacterial STIs. These guidelines will be updated as additional data become available. y on men, but, hey, to my female Dear Readers, talk to your doctors!

Reducing STIs in MSM and TGW (men who have sex in men and transgender women)

If doxy PEP is prescribed, the provider should write the prescription for self-administration of the recommended dose of 200 mg of doxycycline (any formulation) to be taken as soon as possible within 72 hours after having oral, vaginal, or anal sex with a maximum dose of 200 mg every 24 hours.